


Slow Burn

by NervousQueen



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Deep Route Spoilers (Mystic Messenger), Developing Relationship, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Sex, Explicit Consent, Guilt, Insecurity, Intimacy, Kissing, Late Night Conversations, Miscommunication, Multi, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Han Jumin, Romance, Second Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:14:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25227385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NervousQueen/pseuds/NervousQueen
Summary: In a dream world, you were everything you wished to be. Open and loving freely with accepting arms. Cunning, funny, and understanding without the weight of your insecurities rendering you motionless. A world where you didn’t become a person ready to retreat into a distant shell and push people away when they got too close, where you would be safe.But life is not a dream, and when Jumin Han begins to get possessive, you realize how much you can’t be that person. You were terrified of cages more than anything else in the world.--------------------------In other words, Jumin Han isn’t the only one with emotional attachment issues. You two have an important conversation when it becomes clear you’re pushing yourself too hard to be someone you’re not.
Relationships: Han Jumin & Main Character, Han Jumin & Reader, Han Jumin/Main Character, Han Jumin/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	Slow Burn

**Author's Note:**

> Well folks… this one’s an absolute self-insert. But I really wanted to write this to work out my own way of handling Jumin’s insecurities, because frankly as the kind of person I am… MC’s way of dealing with Jumin when he gets all possessive wouldn’t entirely work for me. So this is for you all out there who, like I, have a very difficult time getting intimate with people quickly- but want to have a good time with Jumin Han:)
> 
> Disclaimer: I did not research the origin of honey buddha chips…I’m sorryDx But when I do draw from canon, I’ll cite them in the notes! ^U^

Nighttime light from a never sleeping city streams into a cold bathroom, casting immaculate angles onto an indifferent scene. A clean white shower curtain covers a porcelain bathtub, not a single crease in sight. The walls are bare, fashionably pale. Nothing is out of place in this world of rich perfection, like a modern painting put on display. 

This is the scene you walk into, a still dream filled soft curtains and harsh shadows. Your frame immediately slouches as soon as you close the door behind you, clear that you are entirely exhausted from the way you don’t even stifle a hippo-wide yawn that stretches across your face. When you reach the sink, you switch on a pair of modern light bulbs that glow bleach white.

You stare at your reflection in the mirror. 

The sink ripples with harsh light, making you feel like you are slipping away into the drain, sinking along with the running water. The sleek modern counter top gleams like a hospital, growing the feeling of dread and entrapment that’s been swirling in your gut along with mixed streams of budding love. 

You’ve been staying in Jumin Han’s penthouse for a few days. He hasn’t let you go.

In this impersonal room, you reflect on the rollercoaster you’ve been riding. A frightening and exhilarating ride, filled with impulses that activate something simultaneously both wonderful and unpleasant within you. 

Your mind jumps to the first kiss shared between you and Jumin. 

“I don’t want to be a fool who loses what he needs.” Jumin’s words had shuttered through your spine after he was done taking your soul out of your body. He had looked satisfied, not caring about the unhappy audience of Sarah Choi watching him kiss you. “You can soak in all my emotions. You can be mine.”[1]

That had been your first kiss… ever. It had happened so fast, whiplashing your soul as he hovered into your space and gave you a surprisingly fierce kiss filled with passion like a scene out of Jumin’s soap operas. You couldn’t help the way your body reacted with embarrassment, giddiness, shock, and at the end, fear.

It had been your first kiss. It was entirely foreign to you, having someone so close to you and then just… _right there _.__

____

____

You rub your skin as you stare in the mirror, hoping to ease the stress lines etched in your face. Everything was happening so fast… and you didn’t know what to do to slow down the spiral of Jumin’s possessiveness. 

“(Y/n)?” A familiar soft, deep voice echoes from outside. The door silently opens as a tall presence steps into the bathroom. Arms wrap around your tense frame, a head resting on your shoulder. “Come to bed.”

A pause. You take a deep breath, and push down your discomfort. “Okay.”

The strong arms around you slip away, letting you go. You let him guide you into the bedroom and lie you down on your side. When you are settled, quiet footsteps pad over to the other side of the bed. You hear him slip inside the covers. 

A rustle. The light goes out with a soft click.

The bed creaks as he shuffles close to you. Your skin jolts with a confusing mixture of warmth and alarm when you feel him press you against his chest, wrapping one arm around you.

“Mmm.” You feel your back vibrate as he hums with satisfaction. Your heart pounds in your chest. 

Jumin is an attractive man who you’ve been getting to know over the past two weeks. Having said that, an attractive man practically cuddling you for the third night in a row is… A blush stains your cheeks. 

When is Elizabeth the 3rd going to return? This… is intense for the first two weeks of your acquaintanceship. As the slow-warming person you are, you usually need a month to consider someone a _friend_. Usually.

You push down the urge to leap out of bed like a startled deer as dread flares up, and quietly remind yourself why you were letting him practically cuddle you despite your inner turmoil. He needs you right now. Maybe you can go back to getting some time to warm up to his intense need for physical contact after Elizabeth the 3rd comes back and takes your place on his bed as his living body pillow… hopefully. 

“Go to sleep.” He mumbles into your back. Despite your spiraling thoughts, it’s very cute.

“...I can’t.” You admit, though not why.

A shuffle, and a tuft of black hair tickles your skin. Jumin shifts up, leaning on an elbow to get a better look at you. “You’re tense.” 

“Sorry,” You say, voice colored with frustration. “I can’t relax…” 

You realize your mistake as you utter those words.

Jumin doesn’t respond and goes to resume cuddling you, bringing you back to your previous position you had been getting used to these past few nights. But he goes farther than you’re prepared to handle. His arm presses your frame even closer to him, meant to be comforting as he begins to rub your back in soothing circles.

You feel his breath on your neck. 

A switch in your brain goes off. You move before you could stop yourself. 

Flinging off the bed in a sudden panicked movement, you rip out of his arms and stand with your back towards the wall. A grunt sounds from the bed when you accidentally hit him like a wild animal in your rush to get off the bed and retreat to a safe distance.

The room is still dark. You can’t see his expression… but it can’t be good. 

Your heart drops in your chest. Oh God...what have you done? Jumin doesn’t need you acting like this right now. What are you doing?

“I’m sorry,” You blurt out, heart beating wildly like a rabbit. “I… ” Your voice is filled with desperation, for him to understand that this was too much and scaring you. You take a shaky breath, suddenly wobbly with tears. “I didn’t mean to… ” 

Silence. The crushing lack of a reply pierces your heart. 

Your mind jumps to the worst case scenario, of Jumin becoming another person you couldn’t open up to physically and emotionally, who would expect more no matter how you try to reveal yourself bit by bit. 

Your back hits the bathroom door. With fumbling hands, you lock yourself back into the cold-tiled room. Sliding to the floor, you curl into yourself and hug your knees tightly. Your eyes pinprick with frustration at yourself.

How could you not simply let the man cuddle you? Jumin Han is going through something terrible right now- the last thing he needs is you acting like this. His father put his new fiancee’s opinion before his own son’s, a random woman was trying to make him marry her, and his job was starting to get entirely impossible. And to put the final nail in the coffin, Elizabeth the 3rd ran away… leaving only you and the RFA as the last support left in Jumin’s life. 

But, as Jumin started to need more, you knew yourself too well and realized quickly that you are not built to handle Jumin’s newfound needs for physical contact. At all. 

You are terrified of intimacy. Terrified of people grasping onto you like the unfortunate allure of an expensive electronic on Black Friday, trapping you in a tower so you can spin them a wheel of gold in a room full of nothing but their demons. You were always fiercely independent, and scared someone would see the calm control you possess and think you could turn their lives into diamonds if you take enough of their pressure. Turning into greedy dragons satisfied with your entrapment, but expecting more and more from you while sitting on a pile of jewels they force you to make as compensation for not taking their lives into their own hands. Who battle themselves in hopes of becoming better- “Im trying”- quietly trying to regain their dignity as they keep relying on you, but failing to succeed in taking on their own issues and turning to you as their only salvation. 

Who hope they can control your life in a futile attempt to get control of their own.

You know Jumin would never demand you to take on his demons for him- he is too independent to ever rely on you for everything, something you appreciate and love so much about him. Yet as he clamped down on your freedom these past few days, you began to worry that he would control your life and inadvertently demand too much from you.

Dating for you always started as friendship, a soft connection built in a familiar territory. Your fear of intimacy didn’t act up as much or intensely in friendships. But dating crashed and burned in the end, because you never could make yourself look past your own demons and see the people there not as potential monsters. Who always wanted more. Expected more.

You have never succeeded at getting into a romantic relationship. Heck, you never fell in love past the silly crushes you had way back in middle school, when you didn’t know monsters could exist. But… Jumin is different. 

The logical way he speaks creates a familiar space for you to relax. His subtle yet blunt sense of humor appeals to yours, and his way of viewing the world is as inviting as a cat stretching itself across the warmest spot in the room. His practical outlook, though casting aside emotions far too quickly- which you find ironically illogical of him- makes you want to discuss all sorts of things that buzz through your mind to pit against his own. You value his opinion so much, seeking out his thoughts sometimes for just the sake of hearing them. 

In these past two weeks, you began to understand who he is- a lonely, surprisingly dorky man who just wants someone to connect to. You see it in the way he is loyal to his friends, in the way he follows V’s decisions without question and shows a deep, intense focus on those he cares about. His streak of stubbornness, pressing for ridiculous cat projects with Jahee, spoke of a determination much like your own. 

His words drip with honesty and direct meaning. He draws in your soul like the warmth of sunlight after a long winter. His presence makes you feel like a story you love that hasn’t been updated since 2009 just came out with a completed trilogy. As you knew him better, you started to feel a connection that is undeniably in the direction of love. 

But everything started to fill you with anxiety when Jumin brought you to his penthouse… and kept you there.

The first meeting, despite the stressful time you two were going through, had been phenomenal. He is simply gorgeous, and for the first time since you were young, you realized you had something that resembled a giant crush. His expression when he saw you was dumbstruck, eyes wide with an epiphany you hoped was the same as yours. 

Your first dinner glowed in your memory, filled with your blushes and ridiculous giggling that wouldn’t stop as much as you tried otherwise. Jumin was just so funny and you couldn’t help laughing with a smile that stretched across your face.

However, things changed when you realized just how much Jumin wasn’t able- or willing- to let you out of his sight.

Jumin became paranoid. He had placed Elizabeth the 3rd in a cage, while subtly giving reasons why you should stay and giving no leeway when you otherwise cautiously pushed back. He didn’t go to work anymore, turning his intense attention solely upon you. You soon realized that even being in the beginning stages of love wasn’t enough to quell your fear of intimacy, flaring up old fears you thought would never haunt you in your budding relationship with Jumin. 

As much as you fought against yourself, fear rose in your heart as the days had passed and you were still not allowed to go home.

“Jumin, could I stop by my apartment and get some clothes?” You had asked during dinner one day. You just wanted a bit of time to go home, to soak in your place for a few minutes and settle yourself a bit. To regain the feeling of control.

“There’s plenty of clothes here.” Jumin answered distantly, focused on his food. But you had known he wasn’t happy with your words at all. “I can show you what I have after dinner, if you’d like. The shopping district is open tomorrow as well.”

“I’d like my own though, if that’s possible?” You pressed. “I’d really like that, Jumin.”

“If you wish.” Jumin sipped on some of his wine, not meeting your eyes. “Driver Kim can go to your apartment and retrieve what you need. Write down which articles of clothing you’d like so I can pass it onto him. A list should suffice.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier if I go get my own clothes though? Since I know my place better?” You pointed out. “I can take Driver Kim with me. It would be quick, and we could even go tonight-”

“No.” Jumin resumed eating his meal in small, immaculately portioned bites. “That’s not necessary.”

A shiver of fear shuttered down your spine at that point, despite the fact you had understood why he was acting his way. You were doing your best to understand, even if your old fear of intimacy was coming back worse than ever. But he was being controlling, and you were the last person who could handle that well.

You eyed the cage in the corner of your eye, where Elizabeth the 3rd sat pitifully. He just put her in there yesterday. Were you next?

A clink sounded into the air as he set his glass down. 

“(Y/n).” 

You looked over and made eye contact with him. Your heart broke at how desperate his eyes were. 

“I know I’m acting irresponsibly. But please… don’t leave.”

You nodded helplessly. How could you say no to that? You could hang in there, right? For Jumin, you could. This would all be temporary. Jumin’s father will come to his senses, and everything will return to normal. Both of you would be fine in the next couple of days.

The next day, Elizabeth the 3rd had vanished. Nothing had been the same since.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The cool floor tiles dig into your skin as you sit in the bathroom, tears finally run its course. You lean your head against the cabinet, a soft thunk echoing into the sleek room. Things had really devolved… 

_‘I’m going to have to face him sometime,’_ You remind yourself. The thought of confrontation sent a jolt of fear down your spine, but you’re too worn out for it to affect you much anymore. You are tired of your emotions.

With a single sigh, you unbend from your fetal position on the ground and slowly stand up unsteadily on your feet. You turn around to face the sink. You wash your face with tired hands without looking at your reflection in the mirror. 

A buzz from your phone on the counter interrupts your attempt to clean up. You pick up the device and check your notifications to see a message from the RFA chat room. A small smile appears on your face. You don’t mind answering an email or two- your job bringing in guests is quite enjoyable and a welcome distraction.

Logging onto the app, you go to check on the emails but halt as your finger hovers over the private messages. Pressing the little envelope icon is easier than you thought it would be, instinctively going to your messages with Jumin. They always made you happy, especially when you are feeling down. Even with everything being the way that it is, you hope that seeing the beginning of your budding relationship would give you some resolve to face him. 

You start with your first exchange with him. A small smile curls onto your face as you recall the soft beginning of the connection between you and Jumin. You had loved his enthusiasm for Elizabeth the 3rd since the beginning. 

_Jumin: Slim waist, beautiful fur… Cats are the best animals--  
MC: I think so too, Jumin.  
Jumin: Perhaps we’ll get along very well.  
Jumin: I’m glad to meet a friend._ [2]

It was those words, calling you a friend, that made you see him in a different light than the others. He never pushed you for something, and always observed what was a possibility.

Scrolling through your messages, you stop and stare. His words slice like knives- he had really been hurting, and trusted you in his time of need to be there for him. Now… your walls were rising up and limits unknowingly reached, which was unfairly pushing him away.

_Jumin: If I offended you today, I apologize. But… I wanted to talk to you in private.  
Jumin: I feel like the relationship I’ve built with my father is all crumbling down now.  
Jumin: I thought he was alway polite with me, but this is what happens.  
MC: I’m not disappointed. I’d be mad too if I were you.  
Jumin: If my father was as considerate as you are, this wouldn’t have happened.  
Jumin: I should pull myself together since you are here.  
Jumin: I want you… to just stay there like you are now._[3]

Despite everything Jumin had been dealing with, he called you considerate and wanted you to be yourself. He always wanted that for you. But as you are now… you are too scared to be what he needs. You don’t know how to be yourself, when what he needs is someone immediately affectionate.

 _‘To be yourself? That was before Elizabeth the 3rd left and betrayed him.’_ A traitorous thought wiggles into the forefront of your mind. _‘Now he wants you to be a replacement for her. To never leave, stay forever, and be a puppet for whatever he needs and **nothing else** -’_

You clamp down on your mind before it could spiral out of control. That just isn’t true. It _can’t be true_.

“He isn’t like that,” you scold yourself outloud. The words linger in the air.

To distract yourself, you take a breath and look at yourself in the mirror for the first time that night. You decide to not care about your appearance. Turning on the faucet, you take care of your tear tracks.

 _‘You’re selfish for not wanting his affection.’_ Your mind continues anyways. This sounds more like your own voice, filed with self-deprecation and hatred. _‘You’re so picky, waiting to be comfortable when you know you never will be with anyone anyways. So why not continue pretending, or leave if you’re really that troubled-’_

The thoughts of your past attempts at relationships hit you like a train, flashing images of the end result of rejecting them again and again making renewed tears pinprick in your eyes. It had never been an issue whether or not you were attracted to them- you just _always felt scared_. 

You forcefully twist the water off with a final squeak. 

That was enough of that. You need to do something… and tell Jumin about your difficulty with the sudden intimacy already present in your relationship. Pushing yourself to do something you feel uncomfortable with has never ended well for you in the past. You are tired of the anxiety rattling your system- it won’t go away until you figure this out with Jumin during this hard time for both of you. 

After cleaning up your appearance to no longer look like a hired extra in a gloomy detective show, you slowly step out of the bathroom and brace yourself for Jumin’s figure on the bed. 

The bed is empty. 

The fact relieves you, but then makes your heart thump painfully fast in your chest at the thought of having to find him. You want to get this conversation over with before you lose your nerve. Confrontation… is never fun.

Padding barefoot out of the bedroom, you look around for Jumin the rest of the penthouse. The polished wooden floors thump quietly as you steel yourself and peek around the corner hesitantly.

 _‘Jumin’s not a ghost,’_ You inwardly scold yourself when you don’t see him down the hall. 

“(Y/n)?”

You leap into the air like a startled deer and whip around. “Jumin! I didn’t see you there.” You admit, facing him but not looking him in the eyes… yet.

“I see. I’m sorry I caught you off guard.” 

You make eye contact and immediately blink back tears. His expression was cautious, and that _hurt_. 

“Oh no.” The words slip out loud. “I didn’t mean to... “ _‘Hurt you’_ , you complete in your mind. You really hate yourself sometimes. “I’m so sorry, I should’ve told you sooner.”

His expression shuttered further. “Told me sooner…” He repeats, making your heart sink. “Then tell me what you’ve kept from me, (y/n). You wanted to tell me that you don’t want this relationship with me, am I correct?” He continues before you have a chance to explain yourself. “I realize my mistake assuming that we have something more. I can arrange you to stay in the guest bedroom-”

“No, _no_ ,” You reply with devastation. “Jumin, it’s not that, it was never that I’m just…” How did you explain yourself? It’s not you, it’s me? That isn’t an easy thing to say, seeing as lots of people say that’s bullshit even if that phrase sums it up pretty well for you. “Everything has been so fast, Jumin. I’m… really slow.”

Jumin’s brows furrowed. “You’re not slow. You catch onto my jokes quicker than anyone else.”

You laugh wetly. “Not that, Jumin. I’m just slow with…” You gesture vaguely between you two. “Things like this.”

Jumin’s eyes widen with understanding, frosty distance softening into a familiar warmth tinted with a subtle playfulness you knew how to look for. “Are you slow to understand my feelings, then? I will explain myself better.” He leans over you, face deceptively impassive as he begins to relinquish his deepest thoughts to you. “I want you to stay with me and have dinner everyday. I want to have wine with you, and share everything I am with you. I want to have s-” 

You flail your arms to stop him, blushing terribly. “Jumin!” You protest, holding your hands up to block him. Your face is beet red. “Stop… this is too much.” You say helplessly.

“I see that isn’t enough.” His face is _way too close_. “I can show you, if that’s perferrable.”

Was that seductive? That was totally Jumin Han trying to be seductive wasn’t it, because if you were in any normal state boy would it be working. But you were still an emotional wreck, and need that stubborn man to listen.

You take a deep breath, steeling yourself to bring up the topic you desperately needed to discuss with him. “Can we talk, Jumin? I need to tell you something about me...when it comes to...” You falter a bit, shyness rearing its head. “This stuff.”

Jumin pulls away. He studies you for a moment. “I’m willing to hear about it, but let’s talk somewhere else.” He decides, turning away to walk down the hall. “Would you like some wine?”

“...Yes please.” You could use some liquid courage, just a bit. You follow him into the living room.

After you two are seated on the couch, with plenty of safe distance between you which allows you to regain a bit of composure, you relax into the cushion and consider where to start. 

“Have you ever heard of attachment types?” You ask Jumin as he walks into the living room space with two glasses and a red wine bottle.

“I don’t believe so.” He sets the wine glasses down on the modern black coffee table. “Explain it to me.”

“Well, people form special connections with their primary caregiver as babies,” You comply as he uncorks the wine. “The way people interact with their parents tends to explain the way they form relationships in the future.”

“And what does this have to do with what you’re going to tell me.” Jumin Han pours you two a reasonably-sized glass of wine, handing you yours before relaxing on the couch. He narrows his eyes at you. “Are you self-diagnosing?” 

“Let me explain.” You take one sip before putting your drink down. “There’s one type that might explain my behavior in relationships. It’s called Insecure-Avoidant attachment, which has to do with intimacy issues… which I qualify for. In certain ways.” You sigh. “But yes, I am self-diagnosing myself. But only with qualities that help me explain myself though, because there’s definitely something wrong with me.”

Jumin takes a sip of his wine. “You’ve never seemed like the type of person who keeps things from people. You’ve told plenty of things about yourself to me. I find it hard to believe there is something wrong with you.”

“Perhaps you’re right,” You concede. “But I’m bad at letting myself act the way I need to when it’s inconvenient for other people, and so I don’t always listen to myself when I need certain things,” You clarify. “I… especially have a hard time with letting people in. I don’t always tell people what I need, and physical contact in general can be difficult for me sometimes.”

“You’ve let me in very well, especially as you are doing now. I’m sure your body and heart will become perfectly mine.[4]” Jumin sets down his wine glass. “It’s fine if you don’t want to consume our physical relationship yet, (y/n). I am willing to wait.”

“Jumin...” You sigh, pushing down a blush. He misunderstood much of what you said. You start small. “I appreciate that you’re willing to wait with our physical relationship.” Your face becomes more serious as you try to get him to understand. “But there’s more to that than just giving it time. Jumin… I’ve never been in a relationship before because I’m scared it’ll be like a cage.”

The cage in the kitchen glares a harsh silver in the penthouse, empty and devoid of Elizabeth the 3rd. 

“You’re fiercely independent, Jumin,” You state fondly. “But so am I. I’m terrified of losing my independence. That’s the last thing I want in a relationship.”

Jumin is silent, sipping his wine but eyes flashing with sudden realization.

“It’s held me back from relationships for a very long time. I’ve rejected people I’ve been attracted to, who I could’ve probably loved someday.” You admit. “Though that’s what I told myself. Deep down, I was scared I couldn’t love… ” Your face flushes with color. “Until now.”

A beat of silence. “Do you…” Jumin starts, but doesn’t finish. You heard the [i]‘love me’[/i] at the end of his question.

Your eyes light up with growing fondness. “Jumin, it’s been two weeks. I rarely feel comfortable calling someone my friend until at least a month has passed.” You plow on before Jumin could be disappointed. “That’s not to say there isn’t something special happening here.” You smile, blushing. “Jumin… I’m falling for you, which is honestly new to me. But I need time to get there, physically and emotionally, because that’s how I work.”

Jumin’s cheekbones dust pink at your confession, expression softening. “I thought I was giving you time to become more comfortable with our relationship… though I may have not, which I now realize.” His eyes stare into your soul. “But I want you to feel what I feel, with just as much intensity. I will do everything in my power to make that a reality.”

“Jumin…I can’t tell you what you’re feeling. I can only tell you what I’m feeling, and hope that it’s something you’re happy with.” You blush with embarrassment. “And I always want to be there for you. I want you to feel loved and protected and…” You trial off. 

“You want to protect me?” Jumin asks, eyes wide with surprise. 

You give him a smile. “I do.” 

His eyes soften. “I can accept that.”

The fake fireplace crackles close to you two, electric heat filling the momentary silence with comfortable warmth as you two reach an important understanding. You shift in your seat, not knowing how to continue onto the next point without feeling embarrassed. 

“Um Jumin, I know we’ve talked about a lot tonight but… could you ask before initiating physical contact for now?” You finished with a bit of awkwardness. “You… did take my first kiss so suddenly, and as much as that was…” Your face flushes for the millionth time that night. “A thing that happened, I’d like a bit of a warning next time.”

“That was your first kiss?” Jumin’s eyes widened, and then filled with something you’ve never seen in him before. Uh oh. 

“...Yes.” You admit reluctantly.

“I see.” Jumin sips his wine, gaze becoming fervent upon you. “Would you like your second?” He doesn’t move, waiting for your answer. 

You flush and avert your eyes. “I’m not opposed to that.” You say quietly.

Jumin sets his glass on the coffee table, looking at you. “Good.” A small smile quirks on his lips. 

He gets up from his seat and walks over to your figure on the couch. You watch his every movement, a growing shyness lighting your cheeks on fire. He sits down beside you and gently grabs one of your hands, making your head feel dizzy as he closes each pale digit over your own.

“Say something if you want me to stop.” He says, reaching his other hand to cup your cheek before leaning in. 

The soft sensation of lips brushing your own lights up your senses, making your gut flicker with heat and heart race in your chest. He tilts your face, fingers curling under your chin as he guides you towards a deeper kiss. 

You move one of your hands on your lap to grasp Jumin’s waistcoat, holding onto him as your face becomes redder and redder. His grip on your chin tightens, turning the sweet kiss more heady as the air charges with electricity between you. 

After a minute, Jumin pulls away and looks upon your flushed face, eyes blazing with passion. Even though you two had only kissed, the glaze in your eyes made you look utterly debatched. Everything felt amazing in a way that you had never expected to feel. 

A moment passes between you, the tension thick enough to cut with a knife. Your brain cells were utterly gone for a moment, leaving you staring up at Jumin waiting for him to move first. Now what?

“Was that good?” Jumin asks, breaking the silence as you two look at each other with contentment. 

You blink, trying to think. How did humans communicate again?

Jumin smirks. “Well?”

“I… I loved it.” You reply before your brain turns back on. When you register your own words, you shift with embarrassment. “Um.”

Jumin’s eyes flash with arousal at your confession, but he takes a breath in an effort to calm himself and smiles. “Hearing that makes me want to do more than kiss you,” he confesses. “But I will wait until you’re ready.”

You give him a grateful look. “Thank you, Jumin.”

“I want you to be comfortable with me at all times,” Jumin continues, looking at you with fondness. “Don’t hesitate to tell me, my love. It is safe to ask for anything between us, even if that means space.” 

Your face becomes vulnerable. “I can’t tell you how much I’ve been dying to hear that.” You confess. “I hope you know that when I ask for distance sometimes… I don’t need it because of something you did. Sometimes, I just need it for myself.” 

“I will grant that to you whenever you wish.” Jumin says. 

You beam. “You really are amazing, Jumin.”

Jumin’s face turns pinkish. “I’m glad you think so.” He shifts closer to you. “May I…?” 

You realize he wants to cuddle. “Sure,” You respond happily. 

He reaches out for his wine glass and brings it over, holding it as he wraps an arm around your frame and looks out into the fireplace. Feeling warm and sleepy, you snuggle into his side. 

“I really hope Elizabeth the 3rd comes back.”

Jumin’s face develops a tic at the mention of his cat. “No need.” He adds bluntly, “I only need you now.”

You look up at him, unimpressed. “Jumin Han, I am not replacing your cat.”

Jumin sips his wine, still looking into the fire. “We’ll see.”

You laugh. “No seriously Jumin. I’m not wearing a catsuit either.”

His face doesn’t change. It doesn’t have to.

“ _Especially_ not for that.” 

Silently, in your head you add, _‘At least not for a year…’_. But that is for you to decide, and keep to yourself. 

This conversation is probably one step out of many. However, as you two look into the fake embers in the fireplace, you feel as though you both reached a conclusion that is no longer out of sync. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
[Warning: Smut]

A year later, you find yourself in a catsuit for nefarious reasons. 

Elizabeth the 3rd curls up on the couch- not needing a human replacement after all- but apparently that didn’t matter because nothing knocked Jumin’s socks off more than a pair of cheap white cat ears and a tail. 

“Where did you find this?” You gasp, holding onto Jumin for dear life as he gets well acquainted with your body that had been snugly zipped into a tacky catsuit. “I thought I banned them.” 

You didn’t just mean out of the bedroom.

You effectively banned white cat outfits throughout South Korea- and consequently most of the world due to globalization- by creating a fake stigma about them on social media, making it actually reasonable to make it a C&R policy to not deal with them as cancel-culture did its work and naturally made them less than ideal in the eyes of society. You really had mastered the wonders of capitalism, which Jumin had been ridiculously proud of. 

“Mmm, do you really want to know?” Jumin Han gives a particularly sharp thrust, making you choke on your spit hopefully in an attractive way.

“Why not?” You answer as unsexily as possible, hoping to distract him from pounding your brains out.

He gives a little kiss on your neck, before murmuring into your ear. “You won’t like the answer.”

You ask him to tell you anyways. After an actual smirk flits on his lips, he obliges.

It turns out the way he got them was entirely insane and exactly like Jumin Han because you know better now than to think he’s just a lonely dork. Apparently he got the catsuit by hiring a team of professional robbers to sneak a whole factory’s worth of honey buddha chips out of their current production hub in France. Then he traded them with 707 for access to his stash of catsuits in America. 

And he manages to tell you all of this in _the middle of sex_.

“Jumin Han… ” You state more breathily than you want to, being driven insane. A blush dusts your cheeks. “You’re absolutely crazy.”

His arms hoist you up for a better angle. “You love it.” Jumin Han says, and he’s absolutely right.

You aren’t perfect, some days finding yourself closing up and needing distance that you couldn’t explain. But Jumin certainly isn’t perfect either, and for you two, it works better than anything you could’ve ever imagined.

**Author's Note:**

> I did not plan that smut, not I have never even written smut before. So of course, I had to make it more funny than sexy.
> 
> How to tell a psychology major wrote this: “Oh, a fear of intimacy? Obviously you must be an insecure-avoidant attachment type. But hey, don’t forget the cardinal sin of psychology- no self diagnosing! *continues to self-diagnose until the day I die*”
> 
> References (if you’re curious):  
> [1] Day 8: Jumin’s Route, After the 1st Kiss  
> [2] Day 1: Casual & Deep Route, 10:00am-ish  
> [3] Day 5: Jumin’s Route, 9:45pm  
> [4] Day 8: Jumin’s Route, Evening


End file.
